Whoa, whoa, whoa--

So, I’m looking at potential 5k’s to participate in, and while I haven’t chosen one to register for yet, I HAVE found one that I absolutely won’t be:

July 26, 2008 (Saturday)
Take Pride in Your Hide 5k XC Run & Walk
Reidsville, NC 9:00AM Bar -S -Ranch Nudist Resort (Hwy 158), 313 Bar-S-Trail (CLOTHING OPTIONAL & MUST BE 18 plus to participate)
Contact: Sue Butts (Butts ARunnin Race Management), P. O. Box 6872, Statesville, NC, USA, 28677-6872. 1-704-880-4561 buttsarunnin@aol.com

Yikes.

Snarked Tiffany at 09:31 PM
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I re’upped (a re-review)

Remember three months ago when I was testing Relish! for Parent Bloggers?

Well, I actually shelled out some cash today and renewed my subscription.  I was on the fence for a while last month after a couple of culinary disasters, but the past couple of weeks have really swayed me.

When I thought about the pros and cons of renewing (the cons, obviously, being paying for it and the recipes having potential for grossness), I just found that we’ve been eating exponentially better meals and that there’s less food going to waste.  Instead of sitting here trying to match up coupons with recipes I just get what’s on the Relish! list and save my coupons for triples week.  I think that by the end of the month we save a little money because a) we’re not throwing spoiled, uncooked food away and b) I’ve been taking the leftovers to work for lunch.

Because we know that there are supposed to be four portions in each meal I cook we’re doing a better job at controlling how much we put on our plates.  Scott’s trying to whittle himself down to eating just one portion at a time, and I’m trying to work Rosco up to eating more sophisticated table foods so it works out well.

Lastly, what I love most about the service is that it’s afforded us the opportunity to cut back on our meat consumption (and therefore grocery spending) by including some very tasty vegetarian options on the menu.  Yesterday we had black bean burgers, and I can tell you that we thoroughly enjoyed them.  Scott was afraid they’d be like congealed pudding, but with some tinkering with the ingredients I got them nice and burgery.

I just wanted to revisit the service and rave a bit since it’s really made a difference in how I shop every week.  For someone like me who wants to eat well (and actually cooks) but doesn’t have a whole lot of time to meal plan for minimal ingredient waste (meaning buying ingredients that you’re only going to use in one dish) this service is awesome - totally worth the cost.

Snarked Tiffany at 10:00 AM
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I’m easy to please.

I know mother’s day is

...wait a sec - why is there construction dust from the bathroom all over my computer table?  That’s not logical physics even with the AC blowing!

Sorry.  You’ll have to excuse me - the current state of filth in this house is astonishing and I’m not exactly sure how I should be coping with it.

Like I was saying, mother’s day is supposed to be a day to honor moms and make sure they feel like they’re appreciated for all they do.  To me, mother’s day is like my birthday - I’d like it if you acknowledge it, but don’t make a huge fuss.  I like it when folks just fix things so that I don’t have to make dinner and don’t ask me any questions about how I feel because on those particular days I might actually give an honest answer.

(Damn it, someone let a mosquito in here!  Wait - Bodie the cat is hot on the trail.  I have absolutely zero faith that she’ll nab the culprit.)

I know it would be P.C. of me to say that I want to spend mother’s day cuddling Rosco and basking in the glow of mommydom, but I don’t.  Rosco is a toddler and being a toddler he spends his days zipping from room to room pulling things down and saying “MommaMommaMommaMommaMommaMommaMommaMomma” every time I blink or avert my gaze from him.  Rosco makes me very, very tired.  I know it’s just because he loves me, but he needs to love daddy up, too.

This year for mother’s day I’d like it if Rosco gave me the gift of him sitting still for fifteen minutes at a time.  As that’s a skill that’s unlikely to come into fruition in the next three days, I’d instead like it if he got me an orange zester, a box grater, a new vegetable peeler, a knife stone, and a movie theater-size box of spree.  He may need dad’s help to reach and pay for these items.

How do you mommies want to be recognized this Sunday?  Parent Bloggers wants you to drop some hints on your blog (if you have one).  Johnson’s Baby Cause is supporting this blog blast by providing Johnson’s Mom and Baby product gift baskets to ten winners (which is to say we’re all winners but only ten of us get loot).  Also, those ten folks will get $25 credits to donate to charities through Johnson’s Baby Cause.

Let us know what you want!

Snarked Tiffany at 07:44 PM
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Banished

Snarked Tiffany at 07:42 PM
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Strip it.  Strip it good.

This is the bathroom I came home to today.  Our floor has been reduced to fresh backerboard.  The toilet is out on our front stoop along with the ripped out vanity and sink.  Hopefully we can find someone to haul those away before our yard begins to look like the set of Sanford and Son.

Unfortunately, Home Depot didn’t actually have our custom ordered vanity available today although they told Scott yesterday that it was ready for pick-up.  Don’t know why they told him that, but “gross incompetence” comes to mind.  That means the dudes couldn’t start putting the tile down because they need to know the exact dimensions of the unit so there aren’t little gaps around the frickin’ thing.  That means this project is slightly delayed.  That means Tiffany is slightly pissed because she likes having her own bathroom.

Snarked Tiffany at 10:35 PM
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Yay?

So, the long-awaited bathroom remodel begins tomorrow—you know, the one we absolutely need to do before entertaining the idea of selling this house.  It’s been in the planning phase for about two months and the vanity Scott ordered like six weeks ago finally got delivered today (although without a countertop).  The contractors are supposed to start fucking things up beautifying our home tomorrow.  That’s me in the picture taking 5 years of accumulated girl stuff out of the bathroom cabinet.

I’m slightly perturbed by the situation because the hallway bathroom is my bathroom and the thought of going without it for 3+ plus days makes me want to hyperventilate a little.  There’s a bathroom in the “master” bedroom, but it has a stall shower that makes me feel like a claustrophobic.  I feel like I’m going to be reliving the college dorm experience for the next few days where I have to carry my bucket o’stuff with me to the bathroom because there’s no way I’m using dude shampoo and soap that smells like a forest.  I hope Scott keeps that shower clean because if I have to wear flip-flops in there I’m swear I’m going to lose my mind laughing at the insanity of the situation.

Let’s hope they’re expedient and don’t find mold (or worse) under the tile.  I’ll post pictures as the situation aggravates progresses.

Snarked Tiffany at 10:10 PM
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So I admit it - the Tiffany sucks at something.

Whew, I’m tired.  Scott and I sort of just collapsed in front of the t.v. there for a little while and passed out.  That never happens.  I dragged myself up to get into the bed and got distracted by the flashing lights of the computer, so don’t expect this post to be a fount of brilliance.

Here’s some running news: I hurt.  I feel like I’ve been dipped into a cauldron of hot, bubbling oil, boiled just long enough for my muscles to become tender, and then taken out and thrown unceremoniously onto a cold plate.

When I woke up yesterday I thought I was paralyzed from the butt down.  My legs were so sore that they had just given up on sending pain information to my brain and decided that numb was the way to go.  Never fear, though - by the time I heaved myself up to shuffle to the bathroom both legs decided I had enough of a break and warmed themselves back up to dull, dry pain.  I’m walking like a Skipper doll except with sound effects.  ("Uh. Uh.  Ugh!  Ow.")

But alas, I got up and ran again this morning which wasn’t necessarily painful, but I did spend the day walking as if I had a yardstick rammed up a very inappropriate location.  That’s very, very hard to accommodate when wearing dress shoes.

To answer Erica‘s question (“What’s your training plan look like?”): basically I’m following Cool Running‘s Couch-to-5K running plan.  I’m in week 1.  I foresee repeating week one indefinitely until I can make it back to the house without feeling like my eyeballs are gasping for air.  As is I can only make it through three jog-walk reps.

(I don’t have asthma or any known heart conditions - I’m just a shitty runner.)

Today was better than Sunday in that after my third rep I was able to walk back up the driveway without wondering if I should pre-plan my funeral before doing this.  Hopefully on Wednesday I can add the fourth rep and by the end of next week I can finish week one’s plan.

Slow and steady I be.

Snarked Tiffany at 09:33 PM
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My cause.

Shortly after my grandmother died I felt I should do something to raise awareness about heart disease in my family and circle of friends.  When my grandmother had her first heart attack back in 2002 I was devastated because up until that point I had never seen her sick - not even a runny nose.  Being solid Southern stock, my family just isn’t the sort to pay a hell of a lot of attention to long-term health: as long as a person is healthy in the here and now, that’s all that counted (that’s what made all that fried chicken and fish so easy to swallow). 

She was 80 at the time of that first heart attack but I hadn’t up until that point seriously considered her as elderly.  She was pretty spry and although she had a “touch of the gout” she was on-the-go nonstop.

I believe her health started taking a decline from the point of that first heart attack on to her next one the following year, and then continued to deteriorate over the next few years as she never bothered to undergo any serious interventions regarding her condition.  Angioplasty was suggested at one point, however she was told by too many people (whose combined medical expertise could be absorbed by a single sheet of toilet paper) that she was too old or that her faith was too great for such acts of man (whereas my argument was that faith was well and good, but wouldn’t God give mankind science and medicine for a reason?).

Anyway, I knew she had been on blood pressure medication for as long as I could remember.  It had become part of our monthly routine that we’d go to the drug store the day she got her Social Security check and get her little bottle of pills.  I didn’t think of the ramifications of it - that maybe a person who needs to take a little pill every morning to control her blood pressure shouldn’t be making the little pill work harder by washing it down with a fresh swallow of grease in the form of the previous night’s fried fish.

Do I think now that she’d be around kicking and screaming if she’d been more conscious about her heart’s health?  Without question.  What makes the situation so heartrending is that her condition could have been ameliorated by a few simple lifestyle changes.

I want to see my own grandchildren graduate from college and be around to give them gentle “guidance” on their romantic partnerships (*ugh*).  I’m willing to make a few concessions now to make sure my body doesn’t become its own obstacle in the future.

This year I’ve set a goal for myself to set an example for my family.  Making healthy choices doesn’t mean I’m selling out or losing track of who I am (and let’s face it: I’m always going to appreciate a pile of breaded fried okra), but that I want to squeeze every second I can out of life and not be dragged down by something I could have prevented.

To mark this goal and to have a milestone to strive for, over the next couple of months I will be training to run (and I mean run) a 5k race.  I haven’t yet determined which local race I’ll make my debut, but I know that if I can cross that finish line then I’ll be all set to be an advocate for heart health for everyone I care about.  I feel like this is too serious a situation to use words alone and I have to use my actions to be an effective leader.

Trust me, this isn’t going to be easy: I’m the worst sort of runner and I love to whine.  I have chronic shin splints, an inefficient short stride, and high arches, but I have to do this for my granny.

I’ll keep you updated on this endeavor.

Snarked Tiffany at 10:28 PM
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The sauce is back.

I was a good girl.  I had exactly one beer during the past 16 days.  I have proven to myself that I am not on the path to drunken sloppiness.  I have also proven that the wine is NOT what’s making me break out like a teenager.  That would be the North Carolina humidity.

Alas, moderation is the key.  In fact, I’m moderating as I type.

Snarked Tiffany at 10:20 PM
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I did it all for the sticker.

You know what I hate about voting?  Being swarmed by campaign volunteers at the polling site who try to plaster me with fliers and nail files emblazoned with some candidate’s name.  I especially hate it when they assume that just because I fall into certain obvious demographics (black, female, awesome, etc.) that I need special treatment and swoop in to give me “guidance” before I get to that magic line they can’t cross (10 feet or so from the door).

Every time there’s a major election one particular group in Durham mails out a list of the candidates who are either black or “might as well be” that people can use to help figure out which bubbles to shade in on the ballot.  Guess who that mailing gets addressed to?  Me.  It doesn’t matter that I’m politically unaffiliated, but somehow they caught wind that there’s a black woman by my name living at this house so badabing.  This offends me slightly because just as a person wouldn’t pick which football team will win judging by how cute their uniforms are, a person can’t pick candidates just based on race.

I will say that by the time I was done voting the reek of estrogen emanating from my ballot was strong enough to sterilize a stud bull.

Snarked Tiffany at 06:49 PM
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